To Lose
by Shedemon of the squirrels
Summary: One of thier own have been lost, and now they will go to hell and back if it means they can be saved.
1. The Beginning of the End

I do not own Inuyasha or any of it's characters. Rumiko Takahashi does. Go ask her if you can have Inuyasha. Enjoy.  
  
Numb. That was how he felt. A horrible burning feeling .He was desperate to keep  
  
something out of his mind, to avoid realizing what he had seen by not knowing it and yet it  
  
lingered there, trying to worm its way into his thought to reak havoc on his emotions.  
  
And then it all came screaming back to him, breaking through the wall in his mind and  
  
continuing to shatter the fortress he had perfected. All of his feelings broke out and started  
  
screaming.  
  
" KAGOME!!! "  
  
Barely aware of his legs, he was by her side and only then did he take a real look at her. Oh,  
  
God. Blood was absolutely everywhere, draining out of her body as if deserting it. She was flat  
  
on her back, her head to the side, her hair fallen around her face. He felt sick, heaving at the  
  
sight of the huge open gash in her side. Kagome was hurt. No, more than that. She was dieing.  
  
The scene around him froze. His entire world stopped. All sound slowed somehow to a dull  
  
roar in his ears. He could make out perfectly the sounds of her heart, beating painfully, slowing,  
  
and then ..  
  
Stop. 


	2. Loss

"No..... NOOOOO! "  
  
Sobs wracked his entire body as he stared at her limp form. His powerful frame heaved as he greived for  
  
Kagome.  
  
"Why her.... she was never anything but sweet and kind to everyone. "  
  
His mood very quickly changed. He felt his grief changing into an unbelievable rage. The blood rose in his  
  
head as he turned to look at the person who had taken his, HIS Kagome from him. It was him. Naraku. That  
  
BASTARD! His whole body shaking, he turned to face him.  
  
Miroku and Sango had not yet realized what had happened. All they saw was Inuyasha's charge. His  
  
eyes were blood red.  
  
" He's a demon again! " said Sango with a hint of fear.  
  
"No. He isn't. This time Inuyasha knows exactly what he's doing. "  
  
"What do you mean? "  
  
" I.. "  
  
He was inturrupted by Inuyasha's battle with Naraku. This was a fight to end it. No more puppets or  
  
tricks. This was simply a dog acting on his instincts to inflict as much pain as possible to this evil being for  
  
doing this to him and his Kagome. It was the only thing he could think of to do.  
  
It didn't last long. Naraku never had a chance. Panting and heaving, Inuyasha was left with himself.  
  
Sango approached him.  
  
" Where is Kagome? "  
  
Sango gasped at the look on his face as he pointed to his left.  
  
The sky rang with the sounds of the three mourning the loss of thier Kagome. 


	3. A Spring Storm

An autumn rain slanted into a forest path, bringing many leaves with it. The  
  
sky wasn't dark, unusual for a rainstorm. A few of the rain drops and leaves hit upon the straight staring  
  
face of a hanyou with hollow amber eyes and an expressionless face. He was too far gone to notice, or care.  
  
It didn't matter anymore. Nothing really did. He hadn't eaten, or slept, or stopped wandering for three days  
  
now. He had just kept going.  
  
Sango and Miroku had not been able to stop him. He had just bounded away through the trees before  
  
anything could be said. They barely noticed.  
  
Many demons met thier death that day. Howling with rage and anguish,He massacred every thing that  
  
he saw, taking his own revenge for his loss. Slashing and gouging at trees and bushes he cleared a huge  
  
area of forest. Himself and the forest floor were covered with blood. Entire villages had evacuated upon  
  
hearing that Inuyasha, the feared half-breed was coming, reaking a path of destruction in his anguish.  
  
Fortunately he had not met any humans. He did not know what he would have done if he had.  
  
There was blood all over him. Both youkai's and his own. He had thrashed at himself for not being there,  
  
not protecting her, and not telling her how he felt. He had tortured the poor girl with his constant referral to  
  
her as being 'useless' and 'shard detector' when that could not have been farther from the truth. And  
  
now she was gone. He had punished himself for every time he had lashed out at her and made her feel  
  
unwanted. He repayed in blood what he had cost her in tears. He collapsed shortly after this, taking a  
  
merciful salvation in sleep while his tortured body took the opportunity to heal, but he had woken up to a  
  
barrage of pain once he remembered what had happened. His wounds were gone now, leaving himself  
  
unmarked, but he had not bothered to wash the blood off. He had just walked since then. Alone and  
  
unfeeling, he walked. 


	4. Hell

Hello everyone. Let me introduce myself. This is Shedemon. This is the first fanfic I have ever written, so please feel free to let me know how I am doing with the little review button at the bottom. Congrats, kudos, flames, whatever. I have no sense of continuity and a tiny attention span, so if it takes me a little bit to update, don't panic. .Technically, I have already written one, this one, but for those of you who don't now it went through some massive changes and is now the fic you see before you. I will acknowledge the wonderful people who reviewed my fic at the bottom, as I will from now on. I thank you for following my story so dilligently (how do you spell that?) and I beg your forgiveness for slacking off, which I probably will do in the future. Please enjoy .  
  
- Shedemon  
  
Kikyo winced as she continued to watch him. 'I got what I wanted' she thought viciously, hating  
  
herself. But this was not how it was supposed have been. She hadn't counted on being reincarnated. She  
  
hadn't counted on him being held to eternal damnation. She hadn't counted on it hurting this much. She  
  
hadn't counted on alot, she thought miserably.  
  
She remembered being alive, and wondering what hell was like. Now she knew. It was a dark void.  
  
You weren't really anywhere, you just existed, overwhelmed by darkness, left alone with your thoughts.  
  
That was the real hell. Remembering every deed during your life that you could have changed. Every regret  
  
coming back to haunt you, for eternity. She watched him, every day, watched through the bars of his own  
  
private hell. There were no days here, of course. There was no time at all. She could have been here a minute  
  
or forever. Not that it mattered anyway.  
  
Somewhere in the darkness, completely isolated and unreachable in thier own minds, was another  
  
person, demon, hanyou. Every one to be tortured in thier own custom-fit hell, to be trapped in eternal sleep  
  
where there was no chance of good dreams. Only nightmares in this place.  
  
She had been locked away here for years, waiting out her eternal sentence in hell. But then things  
  
changed. Inuyasha was awoken, and the deed of evil that had brought her here was undone. Urusue tried to  
  
recall her soul, but instead had succeeded only to embody all of her evil, and the true Kikyo, her soul, was  
  
left in hell, unchained by hatred and able to see clearly.  
  
For what no one had yet realized was that she had not been incarnated. Urusue had failed to bring  
  
the priestess back from the dead. It was Urusue's spell, coupled with her own consuming desires to live, and  
  
to finish her business with him, to tell him how she felt, that had almost brought her back to earth. But it had  
  
gone wrong. The foolish witch's weak spell could not bring all of Kikyo together. Only her anger and hurt  
  
and jealousy, the part of her that belonged in hell, was brought back into her body. She truly loved him.  
  
Enough to let him go, and let him let her go. But this new incarnation... the one that now plotted with  
  
Naraku, and tortured him... the one she loved... never allowing him to forget... It was not her. That... witch,  
  
created from earth from her own grave, hated him and wanted nothing more, as it said, than to live on,  
  
through him, even if it meant torturing him with memories of a lost love. That was not what Kikyo wanted.  
  
The true Kikyo was dead. All of her powers had been transferred to Kagome during reincarnation, but  
  
Kagome had her own soul, and her own heart, that made it's own choices. Kikyo's soul was here, cast into  
  
hell by Onigumo's evil desires and her own hatred, betrayal, and anger before death.  
  
And then the worst happened. He was killed. She knew why he was here. She knew what the witch  
  
had done. And now she had every day of forever to think back to the thing that she would regret with all  
  
her heart. She would spend forever watching her only love suffer.  
  
Watching him be tortured when he could have been happy. Happy with someone else. As painful as this  
  
was, at least he would have been happy. She existed, in hell, no longer alone, yet not happy, with another  
  
soul that had been cast adrift, as unaware of her as he was of his own surroundings, wrapped in his own  
  
nightmares.  
  
Inuyasha.  
  
How do you like my idea of hell? Just ask if you need anything cleared up. I also must thank the following people for thier touching reviews:  
  
Raspberries: Thank you so much for the advice on reading reviews! I've got 6 already! yay! ! Your review meant alot to me. I have alot of respect for you as a writer, and I just loved getting such a good review. You like my writing style? sniff. thanks man!  
  
???: your wish is my command! Update I will! enjoy!  
  
Dante Gemini: your beautiful three words touched my soul and inspired me to keep writing. I thank you. (bows)  
  
Inu Youkai-Hime: will do! thank you for your words.  
  
Mustard Yellow Sunshine: (hands over kleenex) wow. I didn't know I had that affect on my audience (all six of you) well, it IS supposed to be a tragedy. Still, I don't want you to cry, so I will update NOW SMILE! : ) : ) : )  
  
Misou: (hands over entire box of Kleenex) jeezum you guys are SAD! well that's what I was going for thanks for the review and I will try my best to make you cry. I mean keep writing! 


	5. The Story

It was dark. She sat bolt upright, sweating and breathing hard. The light from the hall under the door  
  
crack was the only way she could tell she had opened her eyes. She gave a few shuddering sobs and lay  
  
back down. Her eyes filled with tears as she squeezed her pillow for support. She had done alot of crying  
  
lately. It was the nights that were the worst. There was nothing to distract her. All she had was thoughts  
  
about him. As she struggled to control her sobs, the hall light clicked on and her mother appeared in the  
  
doorway. With a look of understanding on her face she walked over to Kagome and sat on the edge of her  
  
bed and put her arms around her daughter.  
  
" Shhhh. It's okay. I know. I know. It's all going to be okay. Shhhhhh."  
  
Kagome leaned on her mother for support and cried.  
  
" I dreamed..... he was alive again... he was with me... we were happy..... why? why did it happen to him?  
  
he shouldn't have died! He should have been okay..." Kagome's words were wracked with sobs.  
  
Her mother understood. She had known for a long time that Kagome loved Inuyasha. She could see it in  
  
her eyes when she spoke about him. But she had let Kagome tell her anyway, and confess the feelings that  
  
she had already known about, because she seemed to need to say it, to tell someone. It had only been three  
  
days since Inuyasha had died, and it was still very raw in her heart and mind. She had liked Inuyasha. She  
  
had trusted him with her daughter's life every day, because she could tell that Inuyasha had very strong  
  
feelings for Kagome too. He had proven that. Kagome's mom thought back to the day Kagome had told her.  
  
It had taken nearly an hour, because she could barely talk.  
  
She had been washing dishes. It was Tuesday. Grandpa had taken Sota out for the day and it was just  
  
her in the house. Kagome was supposed to have come back two days ago. She was worried sick. But she  
  
knew this had happened before and Kagome would come home any minute now, slamming the door and  
  
fuming because of the latest Kagome-Inuyasha deathmatch, as she had liked to call it. She used to grin. She  
  
could just imagine that it must be quite a sight watching two such strong wills go at it. Sure enough she  
  
heard the screen door of the shrine slide open. But something was wrong. First of all instead of being  
  
slammed it was opened very slowly, as if she was very weary. She could sense something wasn't right. She  
  
rushed outside when she heard it. Kagome was lying with her back against the shrine wall and balling her  
  
eyes out. She grabbed Kagome and hugged her tightly after checking her for injuries. Seeing that she had  
  
none, she had led her inside and set her down on the couch, still balling uncontrollably, as she made them a  
  
cup of tea and prepared herself for the story. At first she thought that they had had a bad fight, but she  
  
knew that nothing Inuyasha could say could break her little girl this badly. Kagome was strong and she was  
  
scared about what could do this to her.  
  
It had taken a long time just to calm her down enough to be able to speak. Just when she started to get  
  
something, Kagome would start balling hysterically again. She knew enough not to rush her, to let her speak  
  
on her own terms. Finally, she started to stutter out sentences, horrible sobbing fragmenting her words into  
  
pieces.  
  
" It was him.... he hurt him... hurt bad... god, why.... no!!!!.... no not him please!!!...he was trying to protect  
  
me... oh god....."  
  
She was scared now.  
  
" Who dear? Who got hurt?"  
  
Her fears were confirmed.  
  
" In..u...yasha..."  
  
With this she started crying harder than before and she could not get a word out of her. She let her cry  
  
herself out hugging her until she finally fell asleep. She waited there with her, only moving to refill her tea  
  
and get a blanket, for three hours until she finally awoke and was calm enough to tell her the story. It was a  
  
long one, and had taken a long time.  
  
" We... we were at... the village. I.. detect... detected a..sh..shard and we went to get it. We had been....  
  
fighting..."  
  
With this her eyes filled with tears again but she only stopped for a short time.  
  
" It was so stupid. . It was about Hojo or Koga or something. I don't love Koga, momma! I told him that...  
  
he was so damned jealous! Why did he always have to be so goddamned stubborn? He didn't like that. It  
  
seemed to hurt him. Why couldn't he see that I loved him?!? "  
  
Her voice broke, but she continued.  
  
" He stopped and sniffed all of a sudden. We knew who it was. He was running so hard we couldn't keep  
  
up with him. But when we got there, there he was. Naraku."  
  
She gasped. In Kagome's eyes were a look of pure hate. Anger such as she had never seen out of her  
  
sweet daughter, who was always kind and forgiving. It scared her.  
  
" It was him. He killed him. He murdered Inuyasha and laughed about it."  
  
Kagome was no longer stumbling over her words. She spoke with resolution now. Her eyes filled with tears,  
  
she continued reliving the nightmare in her mind.  
  
"Inuyasha rushed him. I screamed, but he didn't, or wouldn't hear me. Naraku was smiling. Something  
  
wasn't right, I knew it. He just kept going. He was just trying to make Inuyasha angry. I knew he was. He  
  
just kept dodging him easily, just to get his temper going. But Inuyasha wasn't listening to me. I knew  
  
something was wrong. I could sense it. Naraku wasn't fighting back, just dodging. And there was no one  
  
else there. He always had an army of demons to help him, but not now. Miroku and Sango hadn't been  
  
doing anything so far. They ran forward to help Inuyasha. Naraku didn't even glance at them as he dodged  
  
thier attacks. I told Shippo to hide, and I ran forward to notch an arrow to my bow. But then Naraku looked  
  
at me, and I knew what he was going to do. "  
  
Now Kagome began to lose her stability as she once again began cry.  
  
" That coward could never have hurt Inuyasha face to face! No. He chose instead to hit him where he  
  
thought it woud hurt. Naraku raised his hand, and fired. I couldn't move. Why couldn't I move? I shouldn't  
  
have been so helpless. I should have been able to defend myself! Inuyasha should never had needed to  
  
help me. But he just ran forward.... it... hit him.... I knew what it was. I had seen it before. A rare type of  
  
miasma that I knew he wouldn't be able to survive. It would kill him. He knew it too, I think. But he just ran  
  
forward and stood in front of me... "  
  
Now her sentences were all running together.  
  
"He grabbed my arms to try to move me but then it hit him......................."  
  
" He was just looking at me, and he seemed surprised but ....relieved also..... and..... he... whispered  
  
something... and then... he...fell...."  
  
Kagome's mother just let her cry as a fresh wave of pain broke.  
  
Jolted back to the present, all she could do was hold her. Even though she knew hugs wouldn't help with  
  
the pain she was feeling now. She remembered a quote she had heard once. " It is better to have loved and  
  
lost than to never have loved at all." But now, watching her daughter cry over the hanyou she couldn't  
  
have, she very much doubted that.  
  
. . . . . .___________________________________________________________________________ ______ . . .  
  
What do you think? any decent at all? Thank all of you for reviewing. My audience is now up to 11! And may I also mention that I have gotten my first official flame ever! shaanu101 holds the honor of giving it to me. Okay, I really deserved it. I wrote her a flame and it was a sucky thing to do, but if she's reading this know I would like to say I'm sorry.  
  
Inu Youkai-Hime: Thank you for reviewing. I will try to write fast enough to satiate my hungry crowd ^_^.  
  
Mustard Yellow Sunshine: Really? You liked my hell? sniff. That's so sweet. Wouldn't you know it, I'm actually also a fan of angsty stuff. But I hate sad endings. Never fear! This was actually going to be a one shot. But then I got all these great ideas.... and now it's looking to be maybe 15-20 chapters or more. And yes! I got your e-mail! notice the less sporadic spacing? It's all because of you, my friend. thank you so much! ^_^  
  
Anime Writer2: Okay! I'll continue it! please don't hurt me! ^_^ What's Inuyasha going to do? Actually, Inuyasha isn't going to do one heck of a lot right now, considering he's rather busy in hell. But thanks for your sweet review. I love getting reviews from nice people like you!! ^_^  
  
shaanu101: (munching on toasted marshmellow) mmm. thank you for your comments. well, I guess I deserved that one. May I now take the opportunity to publicly apologize for the not-so-nice flame I sent mister ( or mistress) shaanu here. (bows) I must have been P.M.S ing. oh well. (pins 'world's biggest jackass' button onto shirt) Flames suck no matter what the circumstances and I apologize fully for my despicable review. No, you are not a sucky authoress. Please excuse my jackass-iness. (bows again)  
  
esrellas88star: cheesy? that's ok. some people just don't like such mellow- dramatic stuff. I respect your opinions on my cheesy works. (bows) (mmm cheddar) 


	6. Back in the Sengoku Jidai

A girl sighed as she walked under the trees. She was strong, many years of hardship had made sure of that, but the latest tragedy in her life was testing her yet again. She briefly wondered how it felt to have a normal life bereft of possessed family members and dieing friends. She sat down and began to care for her weapon when a sound alerted her to another prescence beside the stream. It would have been dead already had it been a demon, but without turning she greeted her friend.  
" Hello, Miroku."  
  
"Greetings, Sango."  
"Still no word from Kagome?"  
  
" You know that if there was you would be the first to know. You have been hanging around the well for days now. You need to calm down. Pacing around is not helping anything. Kagome is safe in her time. She needs time to heal before she can come back." Sango let out a frustrated breath of air. She watched Miroku sit down cross- legged style, as always, adjusting his robe as he did. They were both drained, mentally and physically. Sango had never been as close to Inuyasha as Kagome had, but he had been her friend and she was still grieved to have lost him. She looked over at Miroku, who had closed his eyes. " How long has it been since Kagome went into the well?" " Three days." "Are you sure she got there all right?"  
  
"You know I saw her off safely."  
Miroku sighed. Yes, he had seen her off. There were still demons in the area and he knew Kagome wouldn't have her gaurd up , so he followed her to make sure she got to the well. The last thing he had seen of her since then was her face, tear-stained and full of pain, as she jumped into the well. He hated seeing wmen cry, he had that in common with Inuyasha. He remembered the look on her face as she reached forhim as he fell. How she held on to him for all her heart after she knew he wasn't coming back. It didn't surprise him at all that Inuyasha had died that way. Protecting the person he loved in battle would have been the way he would probably have preferred it. He knew it was just a matter of time  
  
before someone went after Kagome to get to him. Inuyasha just wasn't a safe person to love, and he knew it. He suspected that that was why Inuyasha had hid his developing feelings. Developing, yes, but they were there. He had proved it. That was just the way Inuyasha was. He expected no breaks from the world, and got little. He felt a surge of respect for Inuyasha. Miroku saw Kagome, sobbing next to him and holding on to his haori as if she would bring him back through sheer force of will, as weapons and attacks flew above her head. That was the way Kagome was. Think of Inuyasha first, and revenge later. But by the time she had reached for her arrows to seek vengence for Inuyasha, Naraku was long gone, of course, his work having been done. Miroku knew that if he had stayed, he would have died. That was all there was to it. Kagome had murder in her eyes when she turned to find him gone. At this point, Miroku renewed his vows. He would do everything in his power to help bring down Naraku. He would be there for her, to complete the mission they had all started, even if it meant doing it without one of thier own.  
  
I do thank the people who have reviewed. It means a lot to me. Thanks, you guys! But as for the plot, now that we know what happened from everyone's point of view, we can get to it. Oh, and Houseki, you are completely mental. But that's okay. Everyone's got to be just a little mental. Or they'll go insane.  
  
Inu Youkai-Hime: I am so glad you are enjoying it! Thank you so much. Reviews like that just make my day.   
  
Mustard Yellow Sunshine: oh dear. I made her sad again. (air-mails jumbo economy-sized kleenex box) Well, i guess that's good. I'm supposed to be making you people sad. That's why it's a tragedy! I will take your sadness as an indicator of how well i'm doing. (bows)  
  
fireash: I love your screenname! I intrigue you? cool! ( mental image of fireash stroking goatee) sorry that I couldn't update soon like you asked, as explained above, but will try harder!  
  
Houseki: hello oh insane one. THE SQUIRRELS ARE RULED BY NO ONE! SPIKEY MIKEY MUST BURN! AND THE PENGUINS WILL NEVER SUCCEED!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ahem. Thank you for your insanity. It is very refreshing. curse word? what curse word? i never heard any curse word. (twiddles fingers) oh but wouldn't we all like to curse the clay pot?  
  
Mustard Yellow Sunshine: Who the hell said I was going to have a happy ending? (hee hee hee hee hee) And yes, the world must be ending because Miroku hath failed to grabbeth anyone's ass. (my boyfriend doesn't seem to have a problem with it, though)  
  
lizzie: I have reasons for making my chapters so short. Most of them lie with my bad case of A.D.D.  
  
forever sleeping peacefully: As explained above my plot is long, rambling, and makes no sense. So just read the explanation above and you will be confused no more.  
  
cheeseplease: I must say I love your penname 


	7. Return

This is chapter number seven. Seven's my lucky number. I took way too long on this chapter. That's because my computer broke and I have the technical skills of a hamster on acid. - Shedemon  
  
Kagome got up, red-eyed. It was a sunny Saturday morning that did not reflect her feelings at all. She  
  
walked to the bathroom and washed her face and brushed her hair. Her mother had  
  
already left, Sota must have been at school, and she did not know where Grandpa was. She was alone. But  
  
she prefferred it this way, today. There was something she needed to do. She needed to return to the  
  
Sengoku Jidai.  
  
"It seems as if I haven't been here in so long," she thought, as she walked up the familiar hillside and  
  
entered the shrine. She paused at the edge of the well.  
  
As she fell into the well, the beautiful kaliedascope of colors that marked the passage of time surrounded  
  
her. She was desperately trying not to cry, although tears were running down her face. She needed to be strong now.  
  
She landed with a thud. She did not even dare to look up. She couldn't trust herself not too expect his annoyed face glaring down at her while his cute little ears betrayed him by perking up at the sight of her. She was sitting there, softly sobbing, trying to find the strength to carry out what she came here to do, when a noise made her sit bolt upright.  
  
Someone else was crying. Someone small.  
"Please! Please let me go through! I want my Kagome! Please, Well, please, just let me this once, Please!"  
  
Kagome dashed up the sides as fast as she could climb and was holding Shippo before he even knew what hit him.  
He looked up and saw his Kagome and squeezed her so tight she thought his little paws would fall off, if her arms didn't first.  
  
"Kagome!''  
Shippo started crying again, so she rocked him back and forth, speaking to him soothingly.  
  
"It's alright, Shippo. I'm back. You aren't alone now. Shhhhh. It's okay."  
From the way his eyes were drooping, she could tell that he was exhausted. She wondered how long he had been here, waiting for her to come back through the well. She cringed at the thought. She couldn't believe that she had even thought about not returning. She felt like she had almost abandoned him. She knew that she didn't have the luxury of leaving and never coming back, to forget forever. There would always be people here that needed her. People that would remind her forever of what she lost.  
Shippo's slowed breathing told her that he had fallen asleep on her shoulder. She held him as she walked to the village. She felt her throat close up as she saw the village through the trees. A sudden thought struck her. What if they had already put Inuyasha to rest? She hoped to god they hadn't. She needed to be there. She needed to say goodbye. They wouldn't do it without her, would they? No. Sango, at least, would have enough sense to know that she would want to be there. Or would they do it, thinking that she would never return? No. They couldn't have thought that! But she felt guilty again thinking that they were very nearly right. She sped up to a run as she neared the hut. There were people there, going on with thier lives, and thinking nothing peculiar of the girl from the future holding the kitsune, dashing towards the old priestess's hut. Suddenly someone else stepped out of the small cottage.  
  
"Sango!"  
Shippo was very nearly crushed as he was sandwiched between the fiercest hug he had ever witnessed.  
  
" Oh my god Kagome! I was so scared that you weren't going to come back! I'm so glad you're alright!"  
As she hugged Sango, Kagome felt a tiny warmth begin to penetrate the cold that had blanketed her for seven days now. She felt the most alive than she had this past week of her own world of dark and pain.  
  
" I very nearly didn't. But I'm back now."  
She stooped to gently put down Shippo who had been very rudely awakened. He rubbed his eyes, looked up, and latched himself onto her leg.  
  
Kagome felt that familiar lump in her throat as she remembered why she had come.  
" Sango.... wh.. where is.....Inuyasha?"  
  
Mustard Yellow Sunshine: Who the hell said I was going to have a happy ending? (hee hee hee hee hee) And yes, the world must be ending because Miroku hath failed to grabbeth anyone's ass. (my boyfriend doesn't seem to have a problem with it, though)  
  
lizzie: I have reasons for making my chapters so short. Most of them lie with my bad case of A.D.D.  
  
forever sleeping peacefully: As explained above my plot is long, rambling, and makes no sense. So just read the explanation above and you will be confused no more.  
  
cheeseplease: I must say I love your penname and your philosophy on men astounds me. I thank you.  
  
mkh2: yup, you got it. Thank you for reviewing.  
  
shaanu101: This is a perfect example of how anyone can resolve thier differences. A few reviews ago we were ready to kill each other. But now were resolved. My congratulations to a worthy opponent. (bows)  
  
new reader: I can recommend some lovely attention hyperactivity disorder medication for you. Patience, you will get your story.  
  
Serenity the Moon Princess: serenity the moon princess? well, it wouldn't have been my first choice of penname but I'll bet I know what show you like! ( humming ' fighting evil by moonlight..... hmmm hmm hmmm....)  
  
Crystalline X: Well you were the closest in guessing my plot except for the part about Sesshomaru because I don't think he's even going to be in this one so here's a cookie! on second thought, hmm, this is a really tasty looking cookie and... crunch crunch.... oops, I ate your cookie. my bad. But ROCK ON I SHALL!  
  
HMPrune: If I told you why would I be writing this fic? and I'm not telling you because um i have no idea yet. Prunes?  
  
blahblahHOBO: wow you scared me I thought it said homo. anyway no Kagome always was alive Inuyasha just thinks she's dead. Try going back and rereading. And Thank you so much for putting me on your favorites! .  
  
sarah: OKAY NOW I KNOW THAT I ABSOLUTELY MUST FINISH BECAUSE SARAH TOLD ME TO! yes, oh great sarah, I will obey 


	8. To Realize

Okay, this chapter is short, I KNOW, but I'm leaving in an hour and a half and I really wanted to put up a chap to get the plot line goin'. ( Don't know why I bother. DOESN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON? ANYBODY?!?) Oh well. If you're confused there's going to be a summary of the story at the beginning of every chapter if you care to read it. Enjoy.  
  
Summary: Inuyasha was killed by Naraku right in front of Kagome, and his spirit was taken by Kikyo into hell. Inuyasha's hell is that he thinks that Kagome had died, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Kagome fled to her era, but has now returned to the Sengoku Jidai, ( Inuyasha's time) to put him to rest, and Kikyo is brooding over her life while she watches Inuyasha in hell. .  
  
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Kikyo gazed at Inuyasha through the bars of his hell. It was odd, she thought. She had never imagined  
  
hell to be like this. To be trapped in a nightmare for eternity... not pleasant. He was asleep, of course, like all  
  
of the others, floating inside the small cell, just one of so many that lined the halls of hell. He was trapped in  
  
his own mind. She wondered what he dreamed...what his hell was like. She had no idea how long she had  
  
been here, watching him.... She thought about her own life sometimes... She had been a good person when  
  
she was alive... But Naraku had destroyed that. ..She was not the empty shell that Urasue had made of earth  
  
and clay... She hated Urasue for daring to disturb her rest... The shell that she created was only an  
  
embodiment of all of the anger that had not been resolved in death... Her spirit remained inside of Kagome...  
  
but her soul was trapped here. It was ironic that she, in life, had been the protector of the jewel of four  
  
souls... That's what she was, torn into four pieces: Her soul, resting inside of Kagome, Her body, wandering  
  
earth, Her life, now over, and her spirit, being tortured here... watching Inuyasha's slumbering spirit, wracked  
  
with nightmares of hell... his breathing....slow and even.... his breathing. his breathing . And now as she  
  
watched him, she realizes. Inuyasha was breathing.  
  
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So how was that for a chapter? Not bad for thirty minutes hard work. ^_^ Oh well don't worry I'll post more on Monday. ( well I'll write it on Monday don't know about posting ) well, have a good weekend. Here's your review responses. If you have anything you like/love/hate with a passion/don't understand, just click that little button down there that says 'go', and write it down, and I will answer down there. Thank you.  
  
CrystallineX- (eyes cookie hungrily, then reaches through computer screen and eats it) mmmm crunch crunch I like your review. See you guys? She says that I can update whenever I want! And I ate her cookie! mmmmmmmmmm.... thank you for your *sweet* review ^_^  
  
Mustard Yellow Sunshine- someday i'm going to find out the inspiration for your interesting penname. ( it must have been your bi-polary-ness) I could recommend some lovely medication for your particular problem, but I got into trouble the last time I prescribed medication. oh well. I hope you keep your perky. (bows)  
  
Sarah- SHE GETS IT! SHE UNDERSTOOD MY STORY!!!! SHE GETS A WHOLE BAG OF COOKIES!!!!!! : ) : ) : ) !!!!!!!! (on second thought just look at all those cookies...... crunch)  
  
blahblahHOBO- another compelling screename..... now, there is a summary in chapter seven, but here you go..... INUYASHA dead. KAGOME alive. Inuyasha just thinks she dead cause he's in hell. Thanks for the review! 


	9. Deliberation

Bet you didn't expect me to write again! I'm sorry for keeping you waiting, but I had to take a break on the story. It just was not a good time to be writing. (I have a life too, you know!) I made some small changes (nothing drastic) so you may want to reread it (as you all know they're pretty short) Here's chapter 9. Enjoy. And for future reference, screw the summaries. I'm not explaining to one more fricking person what the hell is going on in my story. Suicidal Fish got my story. Oh, yeah, and CrystallineX, the whole breathing thing kinda does have something to do with the plot. I'm going to explain all the japanese words I will probably be using at one point or another for those less adept at japanese. ( I'm not quite sure where the hell I learned them)  
  
Inu - dog Sengoku Jidia - literally means 'warring states era'. Used to refer to Inuyasha's time. Baka - stupid kuso - damnit miko - priestess hentai - pervert, or can be used to describe anime porn. (believe me if you ever look through a japanese site  
  
your gonna want to know that) gomen nasai - either I'm sorry or thank you. I can't remember. oi - hey, like hello osuwaru - sit. ah, the beloved sit. hai - yes Bishounen - literally, it means 'pretty boy'. I'm not even kidding. Bishoujou - 'pretty girl' haori - an outer jacket thing. You know Inuyasha's fire rat robe? That's it. hakami - those pants that sort of balloon out that Inuyasha and Sesshomaru wear youkai - for all intents and purposes, demon. they are powerful creatures in japanese mythology but the closest we could get in English was 'demon', so there you go. Nothing satanic about it. hanyou - half youkai (duh) ningen - human kitsune - fox Hairaikotsu - Sango's boomerang katana - a kind of small japanese fighting sword kazaana- wind tunnel; Miroku's air rip thingy Shikon no Tama - the jewel of four souls Kaze no Kizu- Inuyasha's Wind Scar Well that's all that I can think of. Enjoy the story. .  
  
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Embracing the cool breeze that ruffled his dark hair, the priest stared at the overcast  
  
sky. He needed to think, and this was the best place to do it. He sensed Kagome before she spoke.  
  
" Yes, Kagome. I will see that Inuyasha is put to rest properly."  
  
Not surprised at the monk's perception, Kagome nodded. He had always been that way. So open to  
  
your every thought, yet he still couldn't figure out that ' Would you consider bearing my child' was not a  
  
good conversation starter. She smiled slightly.  
  
" Where is he?"  
  
" I think Sango brought him back here."  
  
Miroku continued to stare. Knowing she would get nothing more out of the monk when he was like this,  
  
Kagome turned to leave.  
  
He needed time to think. The same thought ran over and over through his head. It was like an  
  
unusually specific memory that seemed to want attention. He couldn't get it out of his mind. Knowing that  
  
listening to these intincts had kept him alive so far, he settled in to give it some thought.  
  
It was the last battle. There was Naraku's disgustingly smug face as he provoked Inuyasha. There  
  
was Kagome beginning to notch an arrow to her bow. In slow motion he remembered the next scene. Naraku  
  
looking at Kagome. Raising his arm. A red blur that was Inuyasha. A burning light. A burning pink light.  
  
And Inuyasha's face....  
  
he knew that this was what he was supposed to remember. On Inuyasha's face a look of surprise and relief...  
  
and then.... a different look. There was something there that he couldn't quite recall.... It was right  
  
there but he couldn't get his mind on it.....  
  
Miroku was yanked back to reality with a cry.  
  
" WHERE IS HE?!?"  
  
He stood and ran the short distance to the hut.  
  
" Lady Kagome, what is it?"  
  
Sango answered.  
  
" Inuyasha's body. It's gone."  
  
" WHaT?!?"  
  
Kagome stood there, shocked. She could hear Sango and Miroku conversing in the background.  
  
"What do you mean it's gone?"  
  
"It's not here."  
  
"What do you mean it's not here?"  
  
"I mean it's not here."  
  
" I thought you brought it back here?"  
  
"You brought it back here."  
  
" No I didn't!"  
  
" What do you mean you didn't? " Said Sango as she turned, shocked.  
  
" I don't remember.... I just assumed you had grabbed his body and brought it back here. I never even saw  
  
it, I don't think."  
  
" You never... God, what happened to Inuyasha after he was hit? I don't remember.... Kagome, do you..?  
  
" No. I... wasn't....." Oh my God. What did happen after he was hit? For so many nights she had  
  
dreamed about it but those tormenting visions never showed her what happened afterwards. It was mostly a  
  
blur. As a matter of fact, she realized she had no recollection whatsoever of the moments after she knew he  
  
was gone. After she knew that the only man she had loved was gone.  
  
Deep inside the bowels of hell, Kikyo knew what she had to do. She just prayed to  
  
whatever she had once held sacred that it was possible. But she had crossed the lines of earth  
  
and forces beyond before. Now she had to do it again.  
  
And to those who reviewed in, oh, about, DECEMBER, when I last updated.  
  
Rasberries- Thanks for taking the time to read it! It means alot to me. And I'm so glad that you picked up on Kikyo's role in the story! You know how you always felt bad for the coyote even though he was trying to eat the roadrunner? It's sorta like that. I didn't want Kikyo portrayed as just an evil bitch in this story. I hope your fic gets back up!  
  
Akina - I'm sorry, but I'm not entirely sure what you're talking about. Who did I put down? If I've offended you some how I'm sorry, but I'm not quite sure how I did it. Could you let me know? Thanks.  
  
S.F.- crazy bitch.   
  
KatluvsSesshomaru- (sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar!!!!!) I'm glad you liked it! And I'm so glad you feel that way about Kikyou! I was trying to cast her in a different role than antagonist for once. How do you think it turned out? I'd love to read some of your stuff. I'll let you know what I think! Thanks!  
  
CrystallineX- umm, heh heh, guess I didn't quite 'udate for a new year's eve present', but umm, how about cinco de Mayo present? Yes? No? Oh well. Thanks for reading! I appreciate it! Sorry for keeping you waiting so long!  
  
Deathless rogue- hmmmm. I think I need to get you a desk lamp so you don't have to use your little brain light bulb. Thanks for taking the time to read and review.  
  
thavnchick (sarah)- Fear not my friend, yes, the chaps are about to get longer and yes, you soon will find out what Kikyo's role is. (bwa ha ha!!)  
  
BlahblahHOBO- hahahahahahahahaha! he gets it! he gets it! you're welcome for clearing things up!  
  
Mustard Yellow Sunshine- Oh dear, she's lost it. ( the voices in your head speak German? my friend speaks German... I'm going to have to have a talk with her....) Sorry for the wait, thanks for the review. And for the record, I support gay marriage and torture tactics. 


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